Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i love accidental penises.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just googled if crying burns calories
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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