I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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