Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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