She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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