It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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