yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
