The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
