can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
