We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
