his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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