My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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