So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
