Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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