Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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