You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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