I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
