I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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