dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize