Tell her she can't have a vagina
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
