the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
