i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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