ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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