I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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