Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
