I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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