either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
