I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
