idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
