she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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