I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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