I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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