Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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