She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
