But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
