I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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