woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
