Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
