He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
