like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
