Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
