see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
