I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
