and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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