Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
