My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
