Just fell off a train. Bad.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
