the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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