chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
