These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
God, you're like boner-b-gone
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize