he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
