Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize