do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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