You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
