for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
