My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
