When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We smell like vodka and hangover
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