i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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