He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
