ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
